Please, let me fuck your mom
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
