I smell stomach acid.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
