Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
