i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
