I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
