Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
