Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
