So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Text me some of your sweat
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
