Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
