Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
