so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
