I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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