dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
