Swine flu. Run for my life!
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
