Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Randomize
