I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
