You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
