oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
