do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
