does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
