His pubic hair was longer than his dick
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
