Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
