i permit you to call me
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
