My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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