The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
