dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
