she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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