thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
