Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
