I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
