True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
