do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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