Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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