Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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