Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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