I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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