grandma shit on top of the toilet
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she pinky promised me she was 18
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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