8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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