im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
