You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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