Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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