I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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