her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
