I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
