I'm eating all of the evidence.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
