My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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