After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
