There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
