So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
