we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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